What? 312

May. 6th, 2014 12:01 am
harvey_rrit: (Default)
What has three teeth, three legs, one eye, one ear, no hair, no tongue, and no tail?

Job's dog.

What? 311

May. 5th, 2014 12:01 am
harvey_rrit: (Default)
The belief in sympathetic magic is widespread and subtle.

Example:

A ridiculous number of people who are trying to get a tan slather themselves with coconut oil.

The people who live where coconuts grow are that color naturally. The coconuts have nothing to do with it. This is like rubbing yourself with corn oil to make your tits bigger.

What? 310

May. 4th, 2014 12:01 am
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"I represent Asgard!"

*fxnk*

"What are you laughing at?"

"Asgard?"

"Yes... what?"

"It sounds like a name the marketing department rejected before they settled on Depends."

What? 309

May. 3rd, 2014 12:01 am
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"I once worked as an extra in a porn film when I was young."

"You never."

"No, straight up. Didn't get seen, though. The editor said she was sorry, but it wasn't that big a part. Ended up on the cutting room floor."

"You did?"

"Yes, we did."

"...God, I hate you."

What? 308

May. 2nd, 2014 12:01 am
harvey_rrit: (Default)
Opinions are like assholes: the more the owner shares them with others, the stranger they sound.

What? 307

May. 1st, 2014 12:01 am
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The Pentagon needs a Department of Making Sure People Think of Stuff.

--No, that is not an attempt to get myself a guaranteed salary for doing what I already do anyway...

...at least, it wasn't originally.

What? 306

Apr. 30th, 2014 12:01 am
harvey_rrit: (Default)
I've only recently registered as a Democrat, so I don't know which knee to jerk:

If I say Ming the Merciless dresses like Liberace on acid, is that racism, or homophobia?

What? 305

Apr. 29th, 2014 12:01 am
harvey_rrit: (Default)
I have just had an idea for a practical joke.

Find someone who has never seen, nor even heard of, Regarding Henry.

Rent it and invite this person over to watch the subtlest movie about possession ever filmed, and say you haven't seen it.

As the guest watches the movie, you watch the guest.

...Am I a bad person?

What? 304

Apr. 28th, 2014 12:01 am
harvey_rrit: (Default)
You know that, "Dance like nobody's looking" thing? It's my experience that when I dance, whether they were or not when I started, by the time I stop everyone is looking.

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